flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
