Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
