About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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