You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
