he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
