Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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