Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
