seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
