so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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