I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
