She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize