If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
