He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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