At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
pray to the hookup gods
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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