some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i think my mom watched the whole time
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize