You can't special order awesome
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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