Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I will pee on everything he values.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize