No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
