Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
