paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
