I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Mom said you looked used
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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