Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
