So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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