last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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