1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
