Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
