my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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