after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize