You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
