I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
