I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
