We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I will pee on everything he values.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
