is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
