why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
there is puke in my bra ... again
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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