Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
