You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
