they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
