she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
