is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
