Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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