singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Randomize
