you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Randomize
