She's the barista slut.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
