The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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