I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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