If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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