I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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