Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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