Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
