Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Never underestimate the power of titties
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
