Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
