what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
