I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
