My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just forgot I was standing up.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
