I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
