she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
