Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
