I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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