Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
barbara walters just said penis...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
