after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize