Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
