Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
