we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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