before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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