Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I love having hate sex.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
