So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
