So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
