Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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