he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize