Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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