its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize