You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
