Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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