you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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