Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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