I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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