I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
