'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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