i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
