it wasn't lemon gatorade
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
