It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
