I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
