I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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