Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Mom said you looked used
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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