the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
