porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
smell my finger.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
