Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
