While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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