walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You need Xanax blowdarts
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i think i just lost a toe
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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