there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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