I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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